What Makes a Life Well-Lived?

For years and years, I felt like I hadn't been living my life to the fullest.

There isn't a set of rules that says "This is how you should live" and we all lead very different lives with our own unique experiences. Yet somehow, despite this, we all have a general idea of what "living the good life" looks like.

Eating good food. Partying with friends. Traveling all of the time. Constantly meeting new people. Doing really exciting activities. And so on, and so forth.

But here's the thing: I don't like the party scene, I tend to get nervous around new people, and I don't make a lot of money. I can't do these things on a regular basis. And, because of that, I've felt this omnipresent anxiety throughout my life that made me think I was wasting time. I felt like, if I wasn't out skydiving, I wasn't living my life to the fullest.

It's a bit of a generalization, but you get the picture.

Now, I don't know where exactly I got the idea that this stuff was the kind of thing that made a life one that was well-lived. It's stuff that just kind of gathered in my head over the course of several years. But here's my hypothesis: we idealize these exciting activities because they are exciting. They're things that differ from our normal, everyday lives. They make memories.

And that really made me think. If living life to the fullest was all about making memories, why doesn't that apply to more moderate activities?

This revelation hit me this past summer, when I spent an entire day reading Wikipedia articles and thought I'd wasted my day. I was like, "This is my summer vacation! I should be out doing something fun!" I could've spent my day at the pool or the zoo, or I could've been hanging out with friends. But instead, I'd spent all of my time reading.

And then it hit me.

My mind was telling me I had wasted my day, but I had actually really enjoyed it. Yet somehow, over the years, I'd conditioned myself to hate the idea; to hate myself because I'd spent all day indoors, alone. But the fact remains: I had enjoyed it. A lot. And when I looked back at it from a different perspective, I didn't feel like the day had gone down the drain. I had spent the day learning about things that I found interesting; learning because of a desire to learn, not because I had to.

Once I realized this, things became much clearer. A life well-lived was about making memories - well, wasn't I making them?

I remember being in middle school, sitting in my robe and reading short stories on the internet because it was a snow day. I remember how it feels to sit in the living room with my family, all of us wrapped up in our own activities and only breaking the silence when we wanted to share our thoughts on something. I remember riding my bike around the neighborhood, holding onto my house phone because I didn't understand that it wouldn't work once it was out-of-range. I remember lying on the sunroom floor and talking on the phone at nearly two in the morning to a friend who lived in another state. I remember conversations and moments and feelings.

And - here's the kicker -  I remember all of these things just as clearly as I remember the trip I took to the Mediterranean last summer. Like all of these things happened yesterday.

At that moment, I understood that I was living. Really, truly living. Sure, I'd love to travel more. Sure, I want to create things more often and spend more time with loved ones. Sure, things could be better. But things could always be better.

It's not about how your life could improve or what you could be doing, it's about what you are doing. It's about spending your time doing what you enjoy and being around people you love, as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else.

People don't all function the same way - we don't all like the same things, we don't all make the same amount of money or have the same amount of free time, we don't have the same ambitions. But we all need down time. And down time is not the same thing as wasted time. Time spent unwinding from stress is not wasted. Time spent with people you love is not wasted.

Look at yourself and ask, "If I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with how I'm living my life? With what I've put into the world? With how I've treated people?"

If you answered yes, be at peace and enjoy each day. If you answered no, work towards becoming a person that can say 'yes.'

Because when you can answer 'yes' to that question, you, my friend, are living a life well-lived.