Does Love Exist?

Today was one of my first days back on campus for the new semester. I spent some hanging out and talking with friends, but after about an hour of playing cards and listening to music, our conversation took an interesting turn.

A close friend asked me if I believed that love really existed.

Now, this is a very loaded question. It's like asking what the meaning of life is or if I believe human nature is wholly good or bad. It's honestly an opinion, when it comes down to it.

My answer?

Yes.

Yes, I do believe love exists.

I understand that a lot of people nowadays don't believe in love, and that's okay. Like I said, it's a matter of opinion. There can be successful relationships where one or both individuals don't think love is real, just as there can be failed relationships where both parties were in love. With the divorce rates these days, I don't really blame people for not believing in it. And if you asked me if the idea that a "One True Love" exists, my answer would be different.

But here's my reasoning.

Love is not one feeling. It does not come out of nowhere. I see love as something that is built. It is built from trust and understanding. It's built from compassion and respect. It's built from honesty and familiarity.

It is built.

This is something that applies to all forms of love; romantic, familial, platonic, spiritual. And it's important to understand. Once you do, it makes it difficult to build relationships that are based solely on 'love' because you realize... well... you can't. Because love is many things, not just one feeling.

Sometimes love comes easier between two people than it does others. But with enough determination from both parties, love can exist between anyone.

I don't, however, believe love is something that will last forever on it's own. It's something you have to work for constantly. But, ultimately, that's what keeps relationships alive, even after the newness and excitement of it all dies down. As long as there is still trust and honesty and compassion and understanding and all of those other things, love will not go away.

I'm not saying that people who have fallen out of love were not trying hard enough or that they were never in love. I'm not saying that they were a bad match. That's not what I'm saying. Sometimes things just don't work out, due to circumstances and unexpected changes. It happens.

All I'm saying is that I don't think love is a concept that people made up. I don't think it's a feeling that suddenly comes to you and then never leaves. I think it is something that is born from many things, and it's something that has to be pursued.

I believe that love is real. I really, truly do.

What Makes a Life Well-Lived?

For years and years, I felt like I hadn't been living my life to the fullest.

There isn't a set of rules that says "This is how you should live" and we all lead very different lives with our own unique experiences. Yet somehow, despite this, we all have a general idea of what "living the good life" looks like.

Eating good food. Partying with friends. Traveling all of the time. Constantly meeting new people. Doing really exciting activities. And so on, and so forth.

But here's the thing: I don't like the party scene, I tend to get nervous around new people, and I don't make a lot of money. I can't do these things on a regular basis. And, because of that, I've felt this omnipresent anxiety throughout my life that made me think I was wasting time. I felt like, if I wasn't out skydiving, I wasn't living my life to the fullest.

It's a bit of a generalization, but you get the picture.

Now, I don't know where exactly I got the idea that this stuff was the kind of thing that made a life one that was well-lived. It's stuff that just kind of gathered in my head over the course of several years. But here's my hypothesis: we idealize these exciting activities because they are exciting. They're things that differ from our normal, everyday lives. They make memories.

And that really made me think. If living life to the fullest was all about making memories, why doesn't that apply to more moderate activities?

This revelation hit me this past summer, when I spent an entire day reading Wikipedia articles and thought I'd wasted my day. I was like, "This is my summer vacation! I should be out doing something fun!" I could've spent my day at the pool or the zoo, or I could've been hanging out with friends. But instead, I'd spent all of my time reading.

And then it hit me.

My mind was telling me I had wasted my day, but I had actually really enjoyed it. Yet somehow, over the years, I'd conditioned myself to hate the idea; to hate myself because I'd spent all day indoors, alone. But the fact remains: I had enjoyed it. A lot. And when I looked back at it from a different perspective, I didn't feel like the day had gone down the drain. I had spent the day learning about things that I found interesting; learning because of a desire to learn, not because I had to.

Once I realized this, things became much clearer. A life well-lived was about making memories - well, wasn't I making them?

I remember being in middle school, sitting in my robe and reading short stories on the internet because it was a snow day. I remember how it feels to sit in the living room with my family, all of us wrapped up in our own activities and only breaking the silence when we wanted to share our thoughts on something. I remember riding my bike around the neighborhood, holding onto my house phone because I didn't understand that it wouldn't work once it was out-of-range. I remember lying on the sunroom floor and talking on the phone at nearly two in the morning to a friend who lived in another state. I remember conversations and moments and feelings.

And - here's the kicker -  I remember all of these things just as clearly as I remember the trip I took to the Mediterranean last summer. Like all of these things happened yesterday.

At that moment, I understood that I was living. Really, truly living. Sure, I'd love to travel more. Sure, I want to create things more often and spend more time with loved ones. Sure, things could be better. But things could always be better.

It's not about how your life could improve or what you could be doing, it's about what you are doing. It's about spending your time doing what you enjoy and being around people you love, as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else.

People don't all function the same way - we don't all like the same things, we don't all make the same amount of money or have the same amount of free time, we don't have the same ambitions. But we all need down time. And down time is not the same thing as wasted time. Time spent unwinding from stress is not wasted. Time spent with people you love is not wasted.

Look at yourself and ask, "If I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with how I'm living my life? With what I've put into the world? With how I've treated people?"

If you answered yes, be at peace and enjoy each day. If you answered no, work towards becoming a person that can say 'yes.'

Because when you can answer 'yes' to that question, you, my friend, are living a life well-lived.

Why Start a Blog?

Hello! Let me start by introducing myself. I'm Lindsey Grafe.

As of writing this, I'm a college student who's lived most of my life on the east coast in the good ol' U.S. of A. I enjoy a large variety of things - mostly food - and I spend the majority of my time on the internet. My family and my faith are the most important things to me. Also, I have a bit of an obsession with the sky. And dragons.

Okay, so now you know who I am, and I know what you're thinking. Why in the world are you starting a blog? At least, I'm sure someone is thinking that. And I have an answer for them. Or you. For whoever's asking. And that is this:

Because I can.

...

Honestly, that's the answer. That's it. Really.

Want a little backstory? Alrighty, then.

A couple of nights ago, I tried to go to sleep early and wound up having a slight mental breakdown mixed with a teeny tiny existential crisis. You know, the usual. I realized I was going back to school soon and I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to go back to the constant overwhelming stress of schoolwork and the sub-par wi-fi connection. And although I love my friends, I didn't want to leave my family.

The wave of depression that crashed over me at the thought of going back to school and falling back into the same routine was enough to make me question nearly everything about my life. Am I really pursuing the right career? Do I really want to go through another year of college after this? Is this really what I want to do with my life?

Yes.

So, with that out of the way, I moved on to attempting to figure out why I was feeling so overwhelmed; why I felt like I'd wasted my break, even though I really enjoyed some of the things I did. The answer hit me very clearly once I actually thought about it.

I was bored.

A certain monotony had settled into my daily life. Wake up, spend all day on the computer, go to sleep. Or, alternatively: wake up, spend all day in classes, go to sleep. And even though I'd do something different every once-in-a-while, it was always the same different things. Writing. Reading. Art. Music. It was a bit of a startling realization, but I haven't tried anything new new for a very long time.

Fortunately, most important step to fixing a problem is figuring out what's wrong. So I thought to myself, 'Self, how do you cure boredom?'

Heck if I know.

Time to break out the search engines.

And, what do you know, I found a blog that spoke of ways to break monotony. It made a lot of good points that I logged in the back of my mind for later, but one of the ones that really jumped out at me was 'pursuing something new with vigor.'

Something new, huh? Well, why not blogging? And, voila!

Ultimately, I have lots of ideas that I want to share. I want to get people to see things from a new perspective and to think about things they may not have otherwise. I crave stimulating conversations. I want to learn about the other humans that inhabit this planet and I want to share my knowledge and experiences.

That's all I really want. That's all I've ever really wanted in life.

With that, I'm going to challenge myself: for the next week, I will post something every other day to get used to blogging. I will try to include either pictures or doodles with each post. Once that time is up, I'll continue to update once a week (because that seems pretty manageable for a student).

Let's see where this journey takes us!

(Also, I'm totally counting this as Wednesday, even though it's after midnight here. See you on Friday!)